Of all of the culinary experiments that occur in our house, B's favorite meal of all are Ouiser's chicken enchiladas. I've never actually had them made by her, but she contributed the recipe to Feather Nester's wedding shower cookbook several years ago. While looking for something to cook about a year ago I dug out the cookbook I hadn't looked at in years and made them on a whim. B especially likes the recipe because I can't really alter it too drastically to make it healthier. Not that it's that unhealthy, but it's pretty unheard of around here to have a meal where one of the main ingredients is a container of sour cream. They're very easy to make and would feed dinner guests very easily.
Chicken Enchiladas
1 lb shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1 can Cream of Chicken soup
1 4oz. can of chopped green chiles
8oz Sour Cream
1 bunch of green onions
2-3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts - cooked and shredded
6-8 tortillas
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of 9x13 pan. Mix 1/2 lb cheese, soup, chiles, sour cream, and onions. Spread filling in center of tortillas. Top with chicken. Roll tightly. Arrange in baking dish and top with remaining cheese. Bake covered for 20-30 min. until cheese is completely melted. Serve with choice of sauces, sour cream, and jalapenos.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Out of my system
I've been meaning to write about the crazy food journey I've been on while pregnant, so I'll try to take the time now. I've been wide awake since 4:30am, so I figured I'm due for my first nap around 8:30am, which gives me at least a half an hour.
As was well documented on here, previous to getting myself knocked up, I cooked all the time and was becoming more and more of a health nut every week. Enter pregnancy sickness. I found a small handful of foods that I could stomach that would fill me up and not make me even more nauseous. The problem is that being hungry and nutrient-deprived made my sickness worse, so I always had to have something in my stomach, despite how horrible that sounded. I settled on a pretty steady diet of peanut butter crackers (until the recalls!), watered down cranberry juice, toast, cereal, and buttered pasta. Lots of buttered pasta.
It's a cruel joke that the most important and delicate part of the pregnancy is when you're the least able to take care of yourself. As I told Feather Nester, the Miracle of Pregnancy that everyone refers to is not that we can create life - it's that we can create life out of nothing more than buttered rigatoni and Juicy Juice.
Then came the cravings. I'll admit that I never understood pregnancy cravings. The whole thing just didn't make sense to me - I didn't really buy it. But then I started DREAMING about food. Entire dreams about ruffled potato chips with the French Onion Dip that Feather Nester's mom used to make for us. And pizza. Wonderful, cheesy pizza dreams. Normally this kind of food turns my stomach, it's just too greasy and unhealthy for me. Usually I'm one of those crazy people who actually craves healthy food for the most part. I've never once been tempted while walking down the chip aisle of the grocery store. Then there was the Popsicle Incident.
B was out of town on business and I was having an insatiable fruit craving. And when I say "craving" I don't mean that I wanted fruit, I mean that I was literally shaking out of some bizarre physiological fruit need. So despite the horrible sickness, the frigid temperatures, and the darkness, I dragged my ass to the grocery store and proceeded to buy the weirdest cart of groceries - 5 apples, a can of pineapple, 2 bottles of cranberry juice, 2 boxes of Jello, and the largest box of popsicles I could find. Once I made it to the car, the crazy was really unleashed as I dove into the popsicle box and ate one while driving home... and then proceeded to eat THREE MORE in rapid succession on the couch. I think the only reason I stopped was fatigue.
So after a few weeks the weird fruit thing was gone, but I kept wanting all of these horrible foods that I never eat. So last weekend we gave in. B NEVER turns down a chance to be unleashed into the world of unhealthy food, so when I said that I wanted a summer picnic of hot dogs, the aforementioned chips and dip, and macaroni salad, he was in the car before I could finish the sentence. Let's just say that 24 hrs. later the entire bag of chips and the entire tub of dip was gone. GONE.
I just got to the point where I figured that it was ridiculous to keep dreaming about food and thinking about dip. I don't see pregnancy as some secret way to eat what I want to or gain as much weight as I want, but I also felt like this is a journey that is totally new to me and maybe the old rules don't apply anymore. And besides, that's why they make elliptical machines. So as soon as I indulged and surrendered completely, it got out of my system!
I've gone back to actually COOKING again!! And meal planning! And eating vegetables! And I'm still eating less healthy and eating far more dessert than before, but I'm basically back to our healthy ways. I'm also thinking about starting up the elliptical again now that I could be on it without throwing up. So it's been quite a journey so far, and I'm sure it's not over, but it's nice to know that B no longer risks coming home to finding me surrounded by tubs of French Onion Dip and the cats licking the remnants off my face while I lay passed out from lard fatigue on the couch.
As was well documented on here, previous to getting myself knocked up, I cooked all the time and was becoming more and more of a health nut every week. Enter pregnancy sickness. I found a small handful of foods that I could stomach that would fill me up and not make me even more nauseous. The problem is that being hungry and nutrient-deprived made my sickness worse, so I always had to have something in my stomach, despite how horrible that sounded. I settled on a pretty steady diet of peanut butter crackers (until the recalls!), watered down cranberry juice, toast, cereal, and buttered pasta. Lots of buttered pasta.
It's a cruel joke that the most important and delicate part of the pregnancy is when you're the least able to take care of yourself. As I told Feather Nester, the Miracle of Pregnancy that everyone refers to is not that we can create life - it's that we can create life out of nothing more than buttered rigatoni and Juicy Juice.
Then came the cravings. I'll admit that I never understood pregnancy cravings. The whole thing just didn't make sense to me - I didn't really buy it. But then I started DREAMING about food. Entire dreams about ruffled potato chips with the French Onion Dip that Feather Nester's mom used to make for us. And pizza. Wonderful, cheesy pizza dreams. Normally this kind of food turns my stomach, it's just too greasy and unhealthy for me. Usually I'm one of those crazy people who actually craves healthy food for the most part. I've never once been tempted while walking down the chip aisle of the grocery store. Then there was the Popsicle Incident.
B was out of town on business and I was having an insatiable fruit craving. And when I say "craving" I don't mean that I wanted fruit, I mean that I was literally shaking out of some bizarre physiological fruit need. So despite the horrible sickness, the frigid temperatures, and the darkness, I dragged my ass to the grocery store and proceeded to buy the weirdest cart of groceries - 5 apples, a can of pineapple, 2 bottles of cranberry juice, 2 boxes of Jello, and the largest box of popsicles I could find. Once I made it to the car, the crazy was really unleashed as I dove into the popsicle box and ate one while driving home... and then proceeded to eat THREE MORE in rapid succession on the couch. I think the only reason I stopped was fatigue.
So after a few weeks the weird fruit thing was gone, but I kept wanting all of these horrible foods that I never eat. So last weekend we gave in. B NEVER turns down a chance to be unleashed into the world of unhealthy food, so when I said that I wanted a summer picnic of hot dogs, the aforementioned chips and dip, and macaroni salad, he was in the car before I could finish the sentence. Let's just say that 24 hrs. later the entire bag of chips and the entire tub of dip was gone. GONE.
I just got to the point where I figured that it was ridiculous to keep dreaming about food and thinking about dip. I don't see pregnancy as some secret way to eat what I want to or gain as much weight as I want, but I also felt like this is a journey that is totally new to me and maybe the old rules don't apply anymore. And besides, that's why they make elliptical machines. So as soon as I indulged and surrendered completely, it got out of my system!
I've gone back to actually COOKING again!! And meal planning! And eating vegetables! And I'm still eating less healthy and eating far more dessert than before, but I'm basically back to our healthy ways. I'm also thinking about starting up the elliptical again now that I could be on it without throwing up. So it's been quite a journey so far, and I'm sure it's not over, but it's nice to know that B no longer risks coming home to finding me surrounded by tubs of French Onion Dip and the cats licking the remnants off my face while I lay passed out from lard fatigue on the couch.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Wisdom of the Day
As I continue to weed out old boxes, I ran across of box of supplies from one of our writing retreats today and was reminded of an old favorite quote of mine that I haven't read in years.
"The unconscious is always one step ahead of the conscious mind... If you're willing to sit with ambiguity, to accept uncertainties and contradictory meanings, then your unconscious will always be a step ahead of your conscious mind in the right direction. You'll therefore do the right thing, although you won't know it at the time."
-Gregg Levoy
"The unconscious is always one step ahead of the conscious mind... If you're willing to sit with ambiguity, to accept uncertainties and contradictory meanings, then your unconscious will always be a step ahead of your conscious mind in the right direction. You'll therefore do the right thing, although you won't know it at the time."
-Gregg Levoy
Whiskey Yer the Devil
Maybe because it's early Monday morning, or maybe because the temperature is firmly in the single digits, but I watched a video that B's mom sent me this morning about Barack Obama being Irish and I couldn't stop laughing. I have a strange feeling that no one will find it as funny as I did, but for whatever reason it struck a chord of happy laughter. The back story is that his great, great, great grandfather emigrated from a small town in Ireland.
If you want to watch the video with the lyrics on the screen, click HERE.
* The blog title is a reference to an Irish drinking song that only about 4 blog readers will know. You should look it up and learn all the lyrics - we did.
If you want to watch the video with the lyrics on the screen, click HERE.
* The blog title is a reference to an Irish drinking song that only about 4 blog readers will know. You should look it up and learn all the lyrics - we did.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Pluggin Along
It's a new day, I've changed out of the yoga pants I've been wearing for three days, and we have a bright shiny new President, so I figured it's time to update the blog. I've been feeling significantly better, but the pregnancy sickness still comes and goes and the computer makes me really nauseous, so it's hard to spend too much time on here.
I'm happy to say that there is light at the end of the Weed It Out, Organize It, & Pack It Up tunnel. It's unbelievable how many tubs and tubs and boxes of RANDOM SHIT we had secretly stored in this house. You'd think we were running from the law the last time we packed. But now it's all about A Place For Everything & Everything in it's Place. Not to mention, if it's not nailed down, it's going to good will.
I think that's it around here. B is still trying to survive the winter and his never-ending job search, but I'm keeping hope alive. I will say that although this winter seems to have brought an inordinate amount of snow, I noticed the other day that the sun seems to be coming up a little earlier which is always a godsend.
I'm happy to say that there is light at the end of the Weed It Out, Organize It, & Pack It Up tunnel. It's unbelievable how many tubs and tubs and boxes of RANDOM SHIT we had secretly stored in this house. You'd think we were running from the law the last time we packed. But now it's all about A Place For Everything & Everything in it's Place. Not to mention, if it's not nailed down, it's going to good will.
I think that's it around here. B is still trying to survive the winter and his never-ending job search, but I'm keeping hope alive. I will say that although this winter seems to have brought an inordinate amount of snow, I noticed the other day that the sun seems to be coming up a little earlier which is always a godsend.
Monday, January 19, 2009
The first 3 months - the real story
The first thing I said to Feather Nester after I told her I was pregnant was "Why didn't you tell me how messed up the first three months are?!!" And maybe they aren't for everyone, but they definitely were for me and with so many pregnant friends and mom friends, I was surprised that no one had ever let me in on the secret before. And I think her guess is probably right that by the time you're out of that first trimester there are so many other fun things to talk about and plan for that no one bothers looking backwards, but yikes... So in feeling an obligation to all of the future moms out there, I feel the need to pass on my experience.
If you're one of the unlucky 70% to experience some form of pregnancy sickness, that contributes to a large part of the first trimester suckiness. I never threw up, but I felt nauseous all day long with the worst of it coming at night. I'm lucky enough to not have a job right now, so I spent absolutely embarrassing amounts of time on the couch watching TV. But feeling sick all the time leads to a whole other host of things - basically you turn into a relatively gross person. If you have no intention of leaving the house, showers and dressing become irrelevant, you barely brush your teeth since it brings you to the verge of puking every time, and the cleanliness of the house really takes a hit.
As you can imagine, B really loved all this as much as I did. He worked nine hours a day at a job he hates, and then came home to no dinner, no grocery shopping, and a dirty house. Oh, and a useless wife. It was rough there for a while.
Additionally - and this one really surprised me - we weren't that excited about the pregnancy until a few months in. In fact, we were incredibly neutral. Don't get me wrong, the pregnancy was very much planned and anticipated, but once it happened I think a combination of things occurred. First of all, it doesn't feel real at first because no one knows, you have no visible bump, you're sick all the time, and it's still so new. Basically, you just feel like you have a secret flu. We even talked to the doctor about it and she said that it's a very very common feeling.
But somehow that didn't make me feel any better. I started to feel a little panicked that we had made a mistake or that I wasn't really meant for this. In retrospect though, I think it was just the gravity of the situation that was sinking in - and that's a good thing. Whether you have any intention of becoming a parent or not, everyone can agree that it is not something to be taken lightly and obviously far too many people do. I would even venture to say that if it doesn't ever give you pause, maybe you should think about it more.
But in this day and age pregnancy and the frenzy that surrounds it has gotten as out of hand as the frenzy that surrounds weddings. It's all become too big and too much and too hyped and too out of control. Because of all of the hype it feels like you should be ecstatic and bonded and ready and jumping out of your skin the second the test turns blue. And I didn't realize that that pressure was invisibly out there, but after having gone through it, I really think it is. I talked to both of my parents about it and they had very similar experiences. My dad said that when they first found out, he felt very logical and not emotional about the whole thing and that it took a while for it to sink in. My mom said that while she felt completely bonded and excited the moment I was born, she wasn't that excited during the actual pregnancy. So clearly what we went through is not uncommon - we just didn't know that.
And I'm sure this also isn't something that anyone talks about because it's not very socially acceptable to tell people "Baby? Yeah... I guess it's OK... we'll just see how it goes..." And now, we're both super excited and starting to plan and B talks to the mini-bump every day, but for anyone who comes after me I wanted to put this out there and debunk some of the myths so no one feels bad about needing some time to adjust and needing some time for the whole thing to sink in. I wish we had known that going in and then it wouldn't have been as stressful.
If you're one of the unlucky 70% to experience some form of pregnancy sickness, that contributes to a large part of the first trimester suckiness. I never threw up, but I felt nauseous all day long with the worst of it coming at night. I'm lucky enough to not have a job right now, so I spent absolutely embarrassing amounts of time on the couch watching TV. But feeling sick all the time leads to a whole other host of things - basically you turn into a relatively gross person. If you have no intention of leaving the house, showers and dressing become irrelevant, you barely brush your teeth since it brings you to the verge of puking every time, and the cleanliness of the house really takes a hit.
As you can imagine, B really loved all this as much as I did. He worked nine hours a day at a job he hates, and then came home to no dinner, no grocery shopping, and a dirty house. Oh, and a useless wife. It was rough there for a while.
Additionally - and this one really surprised me - we weren't that excited about the pregnancy until a few months in. In fact, we were incredibly neutral. Don't get me wrong, the pregnancy was very much planned and anticipated, but once it happened I think a combination of things occurred. First of all, it doesn't feel real at first because no one knows, you have no visible bump, you're sick all the time, and it's still so new. Basically, you just feel like you have a secret flu. We even talked to the doctor about it and she said that it's a very very common feeling.
But somehow that didn't make me feel any better. I started to feel a little panicked that we had made a mistake or that I wasn't really meant for this. In retrospect though, I think it was just the gravity of the situation that was sinking in - and that's a good thing. Whether you have any intention of becoming a parent or not, everyone can agree that it is not something to be taken lightly and obviously far too many people do. I would even venture to say that if it doesn't ever give you pause, maybe you should think about it more.
But in this day and age pregnancy and the frenzy that surrounds it has gotten as out of hand as the frenzy that surrounds weddings. It's all become too big and too much and too hyped and too out of control. Because of all of the hype it feels like you should be ecstatic and bonded and ready and jumping out of your skin the second the test turns blue. And I didn't realize that that pressure was invisibly out there, but after having gone through it, I really think it is. I talked to both of my parents about it and they had very similar experiences. My dad said that when they first found out, he felt very logical and not emotional about the whole thing and that it took a while for it to sink in. My mom said that while she felt completely bonded and excited the moment I was born, she wasn't that excited during the actual pregnancy. So clearly what we went through is not uncommon - we just didn't know that.
And I'm sure this also isn't something that anyone talks about because it's not very socially acceptable to tell people "Baby? Yeah... I guess it's OK... we'll just see how it goes..." And now, we're both super excited and starting to plan and B talks to the mini-bump every day, but for anyone who comes after me I wanted to put this out there and debunk some of the myths so no one feels bad about needing some time to adjust and needing some time for the whole thing to sink in. I wish we had known that going in and then it wouldn't have been as stressful.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
And Baby Makes 3
Introducing our newest addition! I assume everyone who reads the blog already knows, but in case there are some lurkers out there who don't know... we're pregnant! The littlest addition is due August 2nd, we find out the sex at the end of March, and yes, I already have a bump.
We went in for our 12 week ultrasound this week and immediately learned that we have an active little peanut. The moment the image was up on the screen, there was all kinds of squirming and rolling and waving and leg kicking. What a totally surreal experience. We even saw a teeny tiny little hand and could see all five fingers. The ultrasound tech got a great action shot below of our future swimmer.
Legs all scrunched up on the side of the uterus and......
I'm so glad the secret is finally out so I can start talking about what's been going on! Now you know why I haven't posted very much lately and why there hasn't been one recipe to speak of (food - yuck!). I mean, I'll totally give you my sweet recipe for buttered pasta and watered down juice, but you may have it already.
And to those of you who have no interest in pregnancy, I totally get it, but the blog is about to get a whole lot less interesting to you!
We went in for our 12 week ultrasound this week and immediately learned that we have an active little peanut. The moment the image was up on the screen, there was all kinds of squirming and rolling and waving and leg kicking. What a totally surreal experience. We even saw a teeny tiny little hand and could see all five fingers. The ultrasound tech got a great action shot below of our future swimmer.
Legs all scrunched up on the side of the uterus and......
Kick Off!
I'm so glad the secret is finally out so I can start talking about what's been going on! Now you know why I haven't posted very much lately and why there hasn't been one recipe to speak of (food - yuck!). I mean, I'll totally give you my sweet recipe for buttered pasta and watered down juice, but you may have it already.
And to those of you who have no interest in pregnancy, I totally get it, but the blog is about to get a whole lot less interesting to you!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Beginning Again
It's a new year and we're really gunning to get to Albany before the summer so B can start school during the summer semester, so I've restarted the Great Weed Out that I abandoned right after the Nashville job fell through in October.
I started by going back to the closet I had already weeded out and somehow found an entire garbage bag worth of stuff that I was now willing to part with. Apparently time makes you more ruthless. The fact that I found an entire garbage bag worth of clothes is truly impressive once you know that I hardly own any clothes to begin with. Now if I could get my husband to do the same thing. When I urged him a few months ago to try to go through things again, he assured me that there was nothing left to clean out (though the 2 closets and full dresser would beg to differ), but apparently he's had the same change of heart I did and is now convinced that there is a big second round cut he can make.
In fact, if half of our stuff weren't packed already I'm sure there is even more stuff I could have gotten rid of, but that'll have to be for another time. In the mean time, I'll be wandering through the house in my attempt to personally stock our local Salvation Army for the next year.
I started by going back to the closet I had already weeded out and somehow found an entire garbage bag worth of stuff that I was now willing to part with. Apparently time makes you more ruthless. The fact that I found an entire garbage bag worth of clothes is truly impressive once you know that I hardly own any clothes to begin with. Now if I could get my husband to do the same thing. When I urged him a few months ago to try to go through things again, he assured me that there was nothing left to clean out (though the 2 closets and full dresser would beg to differ), but apparently he's had the same change of heart I did and is now convinced that there is a big second round cut he can make.
In fact, if half of our stuff weren't packed already I'm sure there is even more stuff I could have gotten rid of, but that'll have to be for another time. In the mean time, I'll be wandering through the house in my attempt to personally stock our local Salvation Army for the next year.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Another Trip Home
I'm getting grief for being such a negligent blogger, but I feel like there hasn't been much to say lately. We went home again last weekend - we're starting to feel like we actually do live there already but just keep our clothes here in Ithaca. I think that was our last trip until the little peanut is born in March... or at the end of February as M is hoping!She had a lovely baby shower and I got to be reminded again of all of the crap that babies need - I swear, even if you keep it to a minimum, it's still so absurd! They didn't look like they got anything superfluous and yet the entire nursery was full of boxes and bins and stacks and bags. Everything was adorable though and prompted all kinds of squeals of "oh my goooooddddd... can you believe something is tiny enough to fit into this?!!! So cute!!" I'm completely included myself in those rounds of squeals, by the way.
In reality, it was a miracle that we even made it there. The original plan was to leave Saturday morning, but B had to work all morning thanks to a last minute business trip the following Monday. The problem was the huge snow storm that was rapidly heading our way and would trap us here if we didn't get out on time. B finished work about 30 minutes after the storm began, but then he had to get home, throw things in bags, get me, and leave again. Despite nearly winning awards for our rapid packing and house-closing rituals, we were still an hour behind the storm. To make things worse the first hour of our drive is directly south, into the storm, before we get to drive east in an attempt to out run the storm.
So, as you can imagine, it was a looong drive with 2 closed highways thanks to 2 overturned tractor trailers, but we kept saying little prayers to our travel angels that we wouldn't end up on the ditches like so many of the cars we were passing, and we made it just fine. It's some cruel joke that there's a terrible storm every time we want to travel this winter and it's REALLY not helping B's deep hatred of all things winter.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Strawberries & Cream Stuffed French Toast
How amazing do these look?! I've had the link up on my computer for three days now, just drooling over them. Go make them this weekend!! Get the recipe here.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Momversations
For several months now I've been watching a series of videos called Momversations. It's a simple concept whereby a group of some popular bloggers get together and pose questions to one another via video. And not questions just for the sake of asking questions, they're all genuine issues that the person is struggling with. Ex: Should we have another child?, What do you do if you don't like your kid's friends?, Are you raising your child with religion? B laughs every time he hears audio coming out of the computer because he knows what I'm doing. "Honnneyyyyy... you watching the mommies again?"
I don't think it's a big secret that I have an insatiable need for genuine conversation. The feeling never goes away and honestly, it rarely happens. I feel so squeezed by the hurried and politically correct nature of our world that I feel like there is so little space for two people to just sit and say things that are in their heart without dismissing them away for the sake of every one's comfort, or having people become horrified by your honesty and jumping to conclusions. I think it was a huge driving force behind why I started the writing therapy business. I look around everyday and I see that there are things people need to say, just to say them, but there isn't a place to do that. And the wonder of it all is that usually when you can just say it - once - it releases itself from you. If you can just get another person to understand what you've been through, that nagging voice leaves and you're a little bit more free.
Whenever we would run a class or a retreat, one of the biggest messages was that we were all in a safe space to heal and be heard and it was ok to say whatever you needed to. This was just as important to the healthy women as it was to the cancer patients we worked with. When you gave people the place to voice what you're not supposed to say, they walked away lighter. And the thing that always struck me was how normal and rationale and understandable every one's "secrets" were.
They felt that they had given up too much of themselves while raising their children, they missed being sick because it gave them a purpose and a focus, the don't love their boyfriend as much as they used to, they feel trapped by their families or their jobs, they had no desire to ever have children, and on, and on, and on...
When I was watching this latest video this morning, Is it harder to be a wife or a mother?, it was such an honest question with genuine replies that the video really reminded me of what I long for in life and what I long to give to other people. I'm not a mom yet, but I fully envision that there will be moments when I don't like our children, when I wonder why we ever had them and where all of my time went, and why can't they just raise themselves for a while. Luckily I have friends and family who are more honest than most and would most likely not flinch if and when I call them to say that, but I know everyone isn't so lucky.
As for whether motherhood or marriage is harder, I obviously can't say yet. Not only am I not a mother yet, most of the last five years with B has been wonderful. I adore him beyond words, I never get sick of him, and I want him around all the time. I know it won't always be this way and life is cyclical by nature, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the times that it is.
I don't think it's a big secret that I have an insatiable need for genuine conversation. The feeling never goes away and honestly, it rarely happens. I feel so squeezed by the hurried and politically correct nature of our world that I feel like there is so little space for two people to just sit and say things that are in their heart without dismissing them away for the sake of every one's comfort, or having people become horrified by your honesty and jumping to conclusions. I think it was a huge driving force behind why I started the writing therapy business. I look around everyday and I see that there are things people need to say, just to say them, but there isn't a place to do that. And the wonder of it all is that usually when you can just say it - once - it releases itself from you. If you can just get another person to understand what you've been through, that nagging voice leaves and you're a little bit more free.
Whenever we would run a class or a retreat, one of the biggest messages was that we were all in a safe space to heal and be heard and it was ok to say whatever you needed to. This was just as important to the healthy women as it was to the cancer patients we worked with. When you gave people the place to voice what you're not supposed to say, they walked away lighter. And the thing that always struck me was how normal and rationale and understandable every one's "secrets" were.
They felt that they had given up too much of themselves while raising their children, they missed being sick because it gave them a purpose and a focus, the don't love their boyfriend as much as they used to, they feel trapped by their families or their jobs, they had no desire to ever have children, and on, and on, and on...
When I was watching this latest video this morning, Is it harder to be a wife or a mother?, it was such an honest question with genuine replies that the video really reminded me of what I long for in life and what I long to give to other people. I'm not a mom yet, but I fully envision that there will be moments when I don't like our children, when I wonder why we ever had them and where all of my time went, and why can't they just raise themselves for a while. Luckily I have friends and family who are more honest than most and would most likely not flinch if and when I call them to say that, but I know everyone isn't so lucky.
As for whether motherhood or marriage is harder, I obviously can't say yet. Not only am I not a mother yet, most of the last five years with B has been wonderful. I adore him beyond words, I never get sick of him, and I want him around all the time. I know it won't always be this way and life is cyclical by nature, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the times that it is.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Hello 2009
So it's a new year and I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. It's been a pretty crazy six weeks of the holiday season with lots of traveling and chaos. I looked around the house this morning and it's evident that we've been out of our routine for quite some time. There's cleaning to be done, presents to put away, presents to send (yes, still), and lots of organizing projects that fell by the wayside months ago. I'm not big on resolutions and January 1st never feels any different to me than December 31st, but if you're going to start a new year, you might as well start it by getting rid of the chaos.
It should be a good, but crazy, year around here. But really, pretty much every year since B and I got together could have that same description. I look in awe at couples that have calm, settled lives as that's never really been our fate. In March we get a brand new niece or nephew (!!), whenever B gets a job, we'll be moving to Albany for three years so he can get his MBA, we'd like to take a cheapy vacation to Florida, we'll have our first wedding anniversary, and as promised on my birthday, I still have to take some baby steps to get my business going again. So there you have it - not so much resolutions as just some big plans.
It should be a good, but crazy, year around here. But really, pretty much every year since B and I got together could have that same description. I look in awe at couples that have calm, settled lives as that's never really been our fate. In March we get a brand new niece or nephew (!!), whenever B gets a job, we'll be moving to Albany for three years so he can get his MBA, we'd like to take a cheapy vacation to Florida, we'll have our first wedding anniversary, and as promised on my birthday, I still have to take some baby steps to get my business going again. So there you have it - not so much resolutions as just some big plans.
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