Friday, October 26, 2007

Coffee Mafia

So B and I got such a great letter last night that I just had to share. Any by "great" I mean comically insane! A long time ago we signed up for a fancy coffee service and forgot to cancel right away so we got a bunch of extra coffee and then we owed them $60. Somehow this tiny $60 bill got lost in the shuffle and then went immediately to collections. Now... I've seen collections letters before. In fact, B was in a terrible van accident years and years ago and when there was a mix-up with the insurance company, his $23,000 medical bill got sent to collections. All of the letters for the huge medical bill - fairly normal. The letter for the $60 past due coffee - mafia style. Please amuse yourself today with the letter (typed exactly) from the coffee mafia:

Dear Scarlet Lily,

It's your choice.

There's an easy way and a hard way to collect money.

The easy way is for you to send a valid check for the full amount owed. We'll clear your account upon receipt of your valid check.

The hard way is for you to ignore this letter. This collection agency may hen be forced to continue collection of this debt.

It's your choice.

Pay in full. That's the easy way for both of us.

Pay later. That's the hard way.

Choose the easy way and collection will stop upon receipt of your check.

What the hell is that?!!! Is that the craziest thing you've ever read!?? I died laughing when I read it. I almost want to not send in my check just to see what "the hard way" really entails, but I did send it in after all.


feather nester said...

Watch out! You'll be swimming with the fishes soon if you don't pay up. That is hysterical. Anyone else hearing the Sopranos soundtrack in their heads right now?

Anonymous said...

Hahahahaahahahahahaha!!!!! ~Alice

Mom :):) said...

It makes me think of a kid having a tantrium !! along with a date for cement shoes !!!

die Frau said...

That's hilarious. Do you think Otto the Facebreaker will come to your house and whack you with a coffee pot?

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